This idea of launching a Happiness Project came to the author after she recognized that, while she wasn’t “unhappy”, she did spend a lot of her time feeling grouchy or wishing that the current situation was different in some way.  So she set about researching and reading all she could find about the concept of happiness and came to the conclusion that if she wanted to be happier, her own attitudes and behaviors were the key to making that shift.  In Rubin’s words: “I wasn’t as happy as I could be, and my life wasn’t going to change unless I made it change.”

The next step in Rubin’s project was to pick out the areas of her life that she enjoyed which could be enhanced and those areas that caused her stress which could be better managed.  She came up with Marriage, Parenthood, Friends, Work, Play, Passion, Money, Energy, Eternity, Attitude, and Mindfulness and made each the focal point of one month of the year.  She took these concepts, some more esoteric than others, and distilled them into concrete action items so she could measure her progress in completing the project.  For example, the action items for Eternity were 1) read memoirs of catastrophe, 2) keep a gratitude notebook, and 3) imitate a spiritual master.

Each chapter of the book focuses on one month’s abstract concept, concrete action items, and the thoughts of philosophers and findings of researchers related to that month’s concept.  Rubin reports back on what works in contributing to a rise in her happiness, as well as what doesn’t work so well, and what she might do next time around.  The book is both practical and inspirational, in that it presents very specific ideas of how to improve one’s life and it taps into the elusive and intangible, but uplifting and energizing parts of life; it celebrates and enables the shades of gray that are often at risk of being trampled by the black and white.

While the book is a good read, you could skip it and still benefit from Rubin’s gathered wisdom.  She has put together a website with a blog, guiding suggestions to starting your own happiness project, and a collection of tips for improving key areas of your life that have the potential to cause either happiness or unhappiness.

An important side note is that this book is NOT a self-help book for mental health disorders, ie depression, anxiety, etc.  It is a self-improvement book suggesting a project to be undertaken by someone who has a stable foundation in place.  If you are suffering from a mental illness or think you might be, or even if you feel more unhappy than driven to be happier, you would benefit from working with a mental health professional.

The easiest way to start building emotional awareness is to use the 5 senses (sight, smell, taste, touch, sound) to focus on your external surroundings. The next step is to turn your attention inwards and focus on physical sensations occuring in your body. Emotions are also called “feelings” because there are physical effects that you can actually feel, for example the tightening of your chest or the lump in your throat. Tuning into these sensations gives you the space to avoid being caught up in the emotion and carried off to doing something you later wish you hadn’t.

As part of the experimenting with emotional awareness I tell my clients to prepare themselves for experiencing a certain emotion by identifying a setting when you know an emotion will be triggered, this could be an event in your everyday life or you could chose a movie clip (or try out Sarah Kay’s spoken word poem from the you tube feature at the bottom of the page). Whatever setting you chose pay attention to the physical sensations in your body as they start to change ie: how is your muscle tension changing in your jaw, neck, back, stomach, arms, hands; how is your temperature changing; what is your heart rate and breathing like; are you perspiring; what else has shifted in your body? You can also experiment with intensifying or relaxing the emotion by manipulating your body (for example, clench your fists or smile) or directing your thoughts, notice what that experience is like.

These exercises are simply observations for you to make in order to get to know yourself better. They can be difficult for people who prefer to avoid certain emotions. But with the knowledge that buried emotions will find a way to the surface whether through leaking or exploding, this sort of exercise is necessary for improving your mental health as well as getting to know yourself better, experiencing life more fully, and making good decisions through maintaining emotional balance.

Okay, back to the original question; this is supposed to be a mental health website, so what’s with the poetry.  Well there are a few reasons I included this video on my site.  The first has to do with emotions and you can read all about that on the Emotional Awareness blog entry.

The second reason has to do with the poem that she performs in the first 4 minutes of the video.  Apart from the fact that it is an amazing and moving performance, she is delivering an uplifting and important message.  That message is: life delivers both good and bad and you have to experience the curse of the bad to be able to fully enjoy the gift of the good.  It is a hopeful, optimistic message that in no way ignores the pain and sadness of life’s challenges.  It is well worth the 4 or so minutes of your time to be reminded of this concept which can forgotten when we’re in the thick of it or even when we’re just caught up in day to day life. 

The whole 18 minutes of the video is also worth watching; it is a TED talk and she goes on to talk about her path with spoken word poetry.  There is a quote in the midst of her talk that speaks to this same message and more importantly (to me, as mental health therapist), it speaks to being open to experiencing all of life’s emotions, even the uncomfortable or embarrassing ones.

“I know that the number one rule to being cool is to seem unfazed, to never admit that anything scares you or impresses you or excites you…You protect yourself from all the unexpected hurt or miseries that might show up.  I try to walk through life…with my hands wide open and yes that means catching those miseries and hurts but it also means that when beautiful, amazing things just fall out of the sky, I am ready to catch them”–Sarah Kay

And the last reason, from a mental health perspective, to include this video on my site, is another thing Sarah Kay says: “I write poems to figure things out.”  Writing is a way of working through complex matters.  The writing itself doesn’t need to be complex or lyrical or publishable, it doesn’t even need to be shared with anyone, including yourself–you can tear it up when you are done.  The act of writing gets you out of your head where the same thoughts can spin endlessly and unproductively in attempts to work through a struggle.  With writing you can clearly see on paper what the patterns of your thoughts are and you can satisfy that part of your mind that wants to make sure you don’t forget to take x, y, or z into account.  And, having your thoughts in plain view makes it easier to examine them and question how true they are.  The act of writing also engages your senses–sight, sound, touch, movement (possibly smell, but I wouldn’t recommend taste), so it engages more of your whole self, which is very useful when you are feeling stuck and can bring to light new things that you hadn’t considered before.

So my recommendation to you is, next time you find yourself feeling lost and overwhelmed unsure of what to do, or consistently pondering the same thing over and over, or simply stuck in a rut, try writing.  Your writing doesn’t have to become poetry on you tube, but Sarah Kay has some ideas about how to get started.

http://crucible4points.com/crucible-four-points-balance

The gist of the article is that it is important to maintain a solid sense of self as an individual in order to maintain a satisfying relationship.  The article goes into 4 ways to keep the balance of individuality and connection within a committed relationship.

Where ever you may fall on the spectrum of winter blues there are things you can do to change the feelings of stagnation, low energy, boredom or sadness.

Many cold weather dwellers envision the ideal blues break as a trip to a tropical destination and if that is within your means, enjoy.  For those who don’t have the money to spend on a get-away, you can plan a different sort of break.  You can plan a tropical “stay-cation”: throw a party with the heat turned up, rent movies set in the tropics, read books or travel blogs.  The mind is very powerful and your imagination can generate the same positive vibes as actually being in a warm place.

Another way to switch up the winter blues is to make the best of the seasonal conditions.  Bundle up and enjoy the snow by building a snow fort, going sledding, or trying out a new winter sport.  Do something different and out of the ordinary to create some excitement and energy.

Or if you’d rather stay inside you can use the time and space to start a new project or learn something new.  There are languages and crafts to learn or practice, books to read, gardens to plan, games to play, and lots more.  Find something that you are less likely to do when the weather is warm and the days are long and devote some time to it.

Just like our habits and behaviors get stuck in a rut, so does our thinking.  You may notice your thinking has been tinted by winter blues and find yourself focusing on the negative, for example “I’m trapped inside, this sucks”.  Taking a break for negative blues thinking can have powerful impacts on your mood.  Do this by switching your focus to positive thoughts, for example “I have a lot of indoor time, I’m going to use it for something worthwhile”.

Spend the remaining month and a half of winter developing some aspect of yourself and improving your mood, so that come spring, its not just the flowers blooming, its you blooming.

If you’ve been successful, HURRAY!  I would love to hear about it below.

If you’ve had backslides, stumbling blocks, or even amnesia on your quest to the Resolution, FEAR NOT!  You are a normal human being, creature of habit, lover of the known and familiar.  I would love to hear about this as well.

Creating change is always difficult and typically the more difficult the change the more worthwhile it will be in the long run.  It is made so difficult because we take comfort in the familiar, even if it is unhealthy or detrimental to other parts of our lives.  We feel a sense of control and comfort when we know our surroundings and what to expect.  Therefore, change take courage.

The word resolution connotes a firm, deliberate commitment.  It also refers to bringing clarity and examining  the smaller parts of something complex, think of the resolution on your microscope.  Bringing resolution, or clarifying the parts, to your commitment to a life change, can help you to bring about the change.

The first part to examine is why you want to make the change; what are the benefits of living this new way.  For example, if you are working on maintaining a new diet, are you doing this to lose weight, honor animal rights, have a more sustainable agricultural impact, trim your waistline, improve your heart health, improve your immune functioning, improve your mood or energy level…  There are lots of possible reasons for any one change, pick out what is most important and most motivating to you.  It helps to imagine what your life will be like after 6 months or a year of successful change.  Write down your top two or three reasons to change and post them somewhere you will see them every day and be reminded of why you are going through the hard work of changing.

The next part to bring into resolution is what will get in the way of the change you want to make; what are the obstacles.  Once you have identified the obstacles you can brainstorm ways around them.  For example, your resolution is to maintain a new diet to in order to lose weight and improve heart health, one obstacle is that there are always donuts in the break room at work that tempt you; to work around this obstacle you could make a request to your co-workers for different snacks, you could avoid the break room, you could make sure you drink a huge glass of water before you go in, you could bring your own snack in…  Put your obstacles under the microscope and hone in on ways to get around them.

Next focus in on how you are going to make this change; make plans, identify steps, set goals that will get you where you want to be.  Change doesn’t happen all at once over night, it is a process with room for many little successes along the way.  These little successes will add momentum, so don’t forget to acknowledge them and reward yourself.  Back to the example of maintaining a new diet, some goals could be: identify healthy alternatives to familiar unhealthy foods, clear house of unhealthy foods, read book on nutrition, find recipes and cook one fat-free, low calorie dinner each week, identify supportive people and tell them your resolution…  These goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time sensitive (SMART).

Finally, if you have slipped off track do not be tempted by the Screw It Factor (i.e. I had one donut, screw it I’ll eat whatever I want).  Each time you notice that you have lost your way on the path to the new way of living, re-resolve yourself to get back on track and keep going.  Recognize and congratulate your self when you are on the path, even if you’re not there yet you are working hard.  It is a tough path that takes clarity and courage.

My resolution is to make a blog entry at least once a month.  Please share your resolution here in the comments section.  (Making it public gives accountability which will enhance motivation.)

This line from Clement Clarke Moore’s poem “The Night Before Christmas” is a reminder of how visions of the holiday season are a common occurrence.  People often have visions of exactly how events will unfold, how people will behave, what will show up under the Yule tree, how delicious the meals will be, etc, etc.  These visions can be exciting and lovely.  The trouble with such visions is when they become too rigid to accommodate the unpredictability of real life.  I’ve found it is a guarantee that not everything will always go as planned and they more attached you become to the details of your visions, the more likely it becomes that some disappointment will follow. 

Comparing the events of this holiday season to past holidays also causes disappointment.  This is not to say there isn’t value in reflecting on happy memories of Christmases past, rather don’t expect every year to be like that one year when everything seemed to fall into place.  The danger of comparisons is where there is a good, there is a bad.  So while this may be the best Hanukkah ever, that means there will be a worst Hanukkah as well.  Enjoy without judgement what you have now, in the present moment.

One more way that preconceived notions can get in the way of enjoying the season of the winter solstice is when you expect things will go poorly.  You look forward, with gritted teeth, to that family gathering or community tradition.  This vision will color your experience, so that all you can focus on is the negative and just how unbearable your obligations are.  If you can shift your focus a little bit you will be able to detect the good, the worthwhile, the agreeable aspects and as a result you will feel more peace, if not even a bit of joy.

The key to happy holidays is balance in your obligations and your indulgences, honoring those things that you personally value, and maintaining flexibility in your expectations….if your vision of sugar plums turns out to be ginger peaches make the best of it.

Happy Holidays to all!

I invite anyone who has worked with me specifically,  or worked with any therapist on a mental health issue, to submit a comment entry below telling how therapy has benefited you and why you think others should give it a try.

Thanks!

Mental health ought to be considered on the same plane as physical health.  Imagine having a consistent sharp, aching pain in your elbow and saying “well the bone is still in the skin, so I’ll just let it get better on its own”…would you endorse this line of thought?  Probably not!  More likely you’d set up an appointment with a professional to have the problem looked and set a course of action to heal the pain.   And yet when it comes to emotional or mental symptoms folks do often follow the first type of logic: “I’ve been feeling stressed out (or angry, sad, unmotivated, etc) for weeks but I need to just get over it” and they will continue to suffer which will begin to effect other parts of their life  such as relationships, physical health, career, and overall self care.

There is no need to suffer from emotional or mental pain.  When you notice you are being consistently effected by a negative mindset or uncomfortable emotion, seek professional help to investigate the roots and determine the best course of action to eliminate the cause of the negativity  and discomfort if possible, or to cope with pain so that it is manageable and you can continue to lead a satisfying life.  Many, many people (Landon Donavon, for example) have benefited from mental health therapy and you can too.

Thankfully, there are many chances to practice acceptance.  The fact of the matter is that life is full of opportunities for you to wish that something else did happen,  is happening, will happen when it is not.   How often do you curse the fact that your plans for the day have unexpectedly changed?  Or wonder in frustration why other people do the things they do (or don’t do the things they won’t)?  Or how often do you wistfully regret past mistakes or missed chances?  Or wish that your life would change in some way?  All of these are opportunities to practice acceptance.

To be clear, acceptance is not giving up.  Acceptance is not a way of excusing other people’s behavior and allowing it to continue.  Acceptance is not about giving in to circumstances that are unhealthy or uncomfortable.

The main thing that gets in the way of acceptance is wanting to be in control, but control is an illusion. The one guarantee in life is that it is unpredictable.  You cannot control what happens in any given day, you cannot  control what other people do, say or think, you cannot control the past and you cannot control the future…so what can you control? Your self and Your thoughts: beliefs, attitudes, interpretations, expectations, assumptions.   Trying to control anything else or operating under the idea that you can or should control anything else will only lead to frustration and self-contempt.

Recognize what you can control and focus your energy on those things.  Trying to control (ie change)  anything else in life is wasted energy.

Practice acceptance on simple things.  For example, when it is raining, acknowledge “Its raining” with out judgment, when your mind tries to judge or goes toward a line of thought that is leading away from acceptance (ie “It sucks that it is raining, now I can’t have my picnic”) return to “Its raining. This is.”  Use mindfulness skills, for example, tune into the 5 senses, listen to the rain, watch, smell, taste and touch the rain.  Tune into the feeling of calm and peace that is generated by your acceptance.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Thought distortions are a way of thinking that stems from the wells of negativity and self-doubt that are in everyone and are fed by depression, addiction, anxiety, fractured or abusive relationships, or just being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (HALT).  Everyone has instances when their thoughts stray into one of the categories of distortions described below and if your mind is fit you can recognize the distortion and shift your thinking.  However if you are impacted by deeper mental health issues the distorted thoughts will feel more like The Truth and it will be more difficult to shift them.

Steps to Healthy Thinking

First: Know what your thoughts are. One way to tune in to your thoughts is to work backwards when you are feeling a powerful emotion.  Emotions are more visceral, this is why they are also called feelings, you feel something in your body that gets your attention.  Once you recognize the emotion, you can step back and ask yourself what are the thoughts?  This process can be developed by honing your mindfulness skills.

Second: Evaluate the thought. Once you have identified the thought causing the painful emotion you need to ask yourself is this thought based in reality or is this a thought distortion.  It is helpful to know the common categories of thought distortions, so they are listed below.  It is also very helpful to ask not just yourself but other people in your life, especially if you are impacted by deeper mental health issues or relationship difficulties.

Third: Challenge and shift the distorted thought.  Ask yourself, how true is this thought, 25%? 80?  The closer it is to 100% the more difficult and more minor the shift will be, but there is always room for a shift.  Here’s an example.  Original, distorted thought: “It hurts to swallow, I must have throat cancer”, 60% true.  Shifted thought: “There is a slight possibility that my sore throat is cancer but it is more likely an infection, just in case I will keep track of my symptoms and see a doctor is it gets worse”, 100% true.

Fourth: Compare your emotions before and after shifting the thought.  In the example above the person thinking the original thought likely felt extremely worried and scared and after shifting the distorted thought to a thought more based in reality he likely felt some relief, maybe still a bit of fear but with much less intensity.

Fifth: Practice. Learning to tune in, monitor and shift your thoughts takes practice.  Some ways to develop the skill are to keep a written thought record listing the thought distortion, truth% and emotion, the shifted thought and the new emotion; be aware of your most common thought distortion and when it enters your mind shift your attention away from it and into the present moment by snapping a rubberband against your wrist or using one of your 5 senses; write out a shifted thought to counter your most common thought distortion and put it up somewhere you will see it everyday, like your bathroom mirror.  Beyond these do-it-yourself tips, it can be very useful to explore the wells of negativity that are continuing to spawn thought distortions; this is hard work and it is valuable to have the help and support of a therapist.

Categories of Thought Distortions

Should Statements: I should go to that party.

Labeling: I am a total loser.

All or Nothing/Black and White: If this date does not go well I am giving up on ever finding a boyfriend.

Minimization/Discounting the Positive: My boss only liked my presentation because she was in a good mood.

Jumping to Conclusions: I have a sore throat it must be cancer.

Catastrophication/Magnification: I didn’t remember to pay my rent, this is the worst thing that could ever happen.

Personalizing/Blaming: This event went badly and it is all my fault.

Mind Reading: He didn’t stop to chat because he doesn’t like me.

Mental Filter: One person made a negative comment about my haircut (five people complimented it) so nobody likes my haircut.

Emotional Reasoning: I feel scared so this must be dangerous.

-   Unknown

Anyone who has been around awhile, in any relationship with another person, knows that this childhood saying is a simplification and knows that words can hurt.  Words can be tremendously powerful for harm or for help…if we let them have the power.  If we accept words, whether from our own mind or someone else’s, without question or examination and take those words as The Truth, then words can have power to bring about anything, including broken bones.  The beauty of this saying is the reminder that words do not automatically have the power to hurt you, and if they do carry an initial sting you can examine and question, or even ignore them, to take away their power.

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”

-         The Little Engine that Could

Another childhood quotation.  This one owns up to the power of words and demonstrates that words/thoughts can create outcomes that are regarded as impossible or, if possible then extremely difficult and rather unlikely.  Focused determination and cheerleading blocks out the words of others and self which are saying things like “you can’t”, “its too hard for you”, “you’ll never make it”.  The words that we choose to focus are the ones that we choose to give power to.

Words and thoughts are intangible and they come and go through our mind, often without awareness.  Because of the powerful impact thoughts can have it is important to open our awareness to our thoughts and to the ripple effects they have on the rest of our experience.  The ripple effects of thoughts include emotions and behaviors which are the palpable, visible power that thoughts will create (if we let them).  Thoughts can create feelings/emotions of “hurt” as discussed above, as well as the whole range of emotions from happiness and hope to humiliation and heartbreak.  Thoughts can also create a whole range of actions, such as the dogged determination of the Little Engine and through the gamut to the inert immobility brought on by depression thoughts.

Emotions and actions are the parts of our experience that really stand out.  Emotions feel a certain way in our bodies: we notice the deep jab of disappointment and rising lightness of accomplishment, and our actions have some sort of tangible result no matter how slight or impermanent.  It is for these reasons that the thoughts causing the emotions and actions often get overshadowed and overlooked.  And yet if we want to change the way we are feeling or acting, we must turn our attention to our thoughts.

As mentioned above thoughts are not always truth.  Some thoughts come about through a tangled line of logic or from a faulty source.  Some thoughts take root after being repeated again and again by abusive or unhealthy people.  Some thoughts are fueled by emotion and become dramatized and distorted.  Some thoughts are colored by urges and habits.  With some many thoughts possibly being untrue the mind can really start to swirl trying to figure out what to believe.  It is valuable to know and be able to recognize some common thought distortions.  It is also valuable to know one’s self.

Check out the features of your life: your day to day functioning, your relationships, your mood.  Ask yourself if your mood is generally stable enough for effective day to day functioning or do you often feel too depressed to give anything much energy, or too angry to give anything much time, or to anxious to try anything too challenging.  If your mood is getting in the way then your thoughts are ineffective or unhealthy and very likely fall into one or more categories of thought distortions.

The good news is you can change the thoughts that are bring on ineffective or unhealthy outcomes.  It is not easy or automatic to replace old thoughts, especially those thoughts that have a long history.  Like building a new trail through the wilderness takes hard work to clear plants, trees and rocks, establish an even grade and break in a smooth surface; establishing new thought patterns takes work and time and consistent use.  The old, established thought trails will draw you back in with its familiarity, but now that you know exactly where the old thought trails lead you can step off when you recognize you are back on it and can step on to the new thought trail and continue the work of making it your regular path.

The next blog has more information about common thought distortions and how to work on replacing distorted thoughts with more effective thoughts.

Mindfulness is the practice of observing the present moment without any judgment.  Rather than worrying about the future or regretting the pain of the past, rather than focusing on things beyond one’s control, rather than wishing your life were something that its not, mindfulness is a freeing way of simply accepting “what is”.  It is a simple concept but it can difficult to do, which is why it is called a practice.  Mindfulness is a skill and like any skill it must be used consistently in order for it to be used comfortably, in other words you have to practice it and you will have days when it comes easily and days when you may struggle; even when you struggle if you observe and accept the struggle without judgment you are practicing mindfulness.

Keeping and returning your focus to the present moment can be done by tuning in to your physical presence.  Turn (and return) your focus to your breath as it moves through your body:  into your lungs filling and expanding is it enters, compressing and lowering as it leaves; your belly, ribs, and shoulder all actively move, while internally the blood carries the oxygen and energy of each breath down to your toes and your finger tips.  Another way to use your physical presence to stay in the present moment is to feel the weight of your body as you sit or lay: start with your feet feeling them connected and sinking into the ground then move your focus up your body noticing the physical sensation as you slowly tune into each segment.  One more way is to use the 5 senses: choosing objects and deliberately noticing the minute details of each thing that you see, hear, touch, taste, and smell.

Practicing non-judgment can be done by tuning into your thoughts and noticing the content of your thoughts.  Be on the watch for thoughts that contain any sort of judgment: labeling, criticizing, evaluating, dismissing.  When you notice a judgmental thought resist the urge to beat yourself up about it, along the lines of : “I should not be thinking that, I won’t ever think that again!”, because this is, of course, another judgment.  Going back to the river metaphor you must simply notice the thought and let it float on by, rather than letting it get stuck and muddying up the waters.  The more often you practice nonjudgment, the more often nonjudgmental thoughts will be passing through your mind.  Focus on observing and letting go, observing and letting go, observing and letting go….

Life is easy in the comfort zone, unless you get stuck there.  Life in the comfort zone can start to feel cramped and limiting, a low level of agitation may develop, the activities that have been soothing may start to lose their appeal.  This happens if it has been a while since you’ve had a growth experience by trying something new, learning a new skill, or examining your life for ways to change or improve the way you live.  When this happens you are rubbing up against the border between the comfort zone and the growth zone and are experiencing useful anxiety.  At this point the only way to relieve the anxiety is to move into the growth zone.

The growth zone is characterized by uncertainty and discoveries, vulnerability and renewed confidence, fear and delight.  It is a time of learning which involves small failures on the way to big accomplishments; as the saying goes you can’t learn to ride a bike without falling off first.  Eventually with time, patience, consistent effort, the new experiences of the growth zone become familiar and mastered, and thus the comfort zone grows to include these experiences or activities.  Unfortunately it is fear of failure that can keep people stuck in a comfort zone that has become too small.  Another reason people avoid entering the growth zone is to avoid getting too close to the panic zone.

In the panic zone there is the feeling that one is in danger and the fight/flight/freeze response comes into effect to deal with the threat; that is, a person feels that he or she must escape the threat of danger by responding  to it aggressively, running from it, or hiding from it.  Survival becomes the priority and growth or learning is no longer possible.  The threat in the panic zone may be real but it is more often a percieved threat that is not actually dangerous.  Imagine someone with the common fear of public speaking, who steps out to the podium and begins to feel overwhelmed by fear and has an urge to run off the stage.  This person has entered the panic zone, staying there and acting from the panic zone will have less than favorable results, but thankfully it is not the only option.  This person can return to the growth zone.  He can take a deep breath, remind himself he is not in danger, and go on with his speech.  He will still be uncomfortable and nervous and his speech may not be the best ever delivered, however when it is all over he will have accomplished something new and grown his comfort zone even if its just a little bit.

So how do you make sure you stay in the growth zone and out of the panic zone?  There are many ways to ensure that new growth experiences feel safe and productive.  One is to make sure you have support and ask for help; this could mean getting encouragment from people who care about you or it could mean requesting the input of a teacher or mentor.  Another way is to take breaks from the growth zone by going into the comfort zone; small exposures to the new experiences balanced with familiar and comforting activities will keep you from becoming overwhelmed.  And last, maintaining awareness of your physical condition and mindset will let you know when you are getting close to the panic zone.  Like the example of the man giving the speech, he used mindfulness skills to reassure himself “I am not in danger” and took deep breaths to ground himself so that he could return to the growth zone and go on with his speech.

A satifying and fulfilling life has plenty of time spent in the growth zone, which allows for an ever expanding comfort zone.

Anxiety is uncomfortable and that does not have to be a bad thing, it can be a motivator.  It is that unsettled feeling that says “I know things need to be different but I’m not sure how this will turn out”.  The tricky part of life is that the only way to discover how things will turn out is to move forward with the change.  In addition to being a motivator of change, the other benefit of the anxiety is it keeps you alert and tuned into discovering all the subtleties of a new change.  Useful anxiety is a normal part of life, it signals the need for change and creates a heightened awareness of how changes are unfolding.

Anxiety comes with the intersection of changes and the unknown, it is the worry and doubt about future events, which are often outside our full control.  Anxiety can become harmful when it freezes us, either in life changes or in day to day life.  This happens when the anxious thoughts about “what if”s and “worst possibilities” feed on each other and grow to create a feeling of overwhelming fear to such a degree that it feels safest to do nothing.  When anxiety moves from an unsettled but motivating state to a fearful or stuck state, it is harmful.  When anxiety causes physical symptoms (elevated heart beat, shortness of breath, sweating) or interferes with daily activities, it may be diagnosed as an anxiety disorder.  To read more about anxiety disorders visit website of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America.

Whatever level of anxiety you are experiencing, if it is causing distress you will benefit from discussing it with a mental health professional who can help you develop a plan for managing the anxiety and regaining a settled feeling of self-control.  A plan could include a variety of behavioral practices such as relaxation techniques, exercise, and nutrition; it could include cognitive techniques such as thought tracking and identification of thought distortions;  it could include using prescription medication to control physical symptoms; or the plan could be about how to successfully navigate life changes.  Anxiety is uncomfortable, to say the least, and it is only useful when it is addressed; left to linger, anxiety becomes harmful and leads to stagnation and distress.